On February 7, 2007 I read an article on the BBC News that a child pornography ring in Austria was being investigated and shut down by Austrian Authorities. This ring encompassed 2,360 individuals in 77 countries such as Germany, England, Denmark, Russia, Algeria, France, Venezuela and Iceland, etc. The FBI is investigating over 600 individuals in the United States for downloading and distributing the material after watching it.
What is truly disturbing about this is that the Internet is now being used to further exploit and destroy the innocence of children. The oldest child noted on the videos that were being downloaded was 14 years. Many of the children on the videos could be heard screaming and were filmed while being raped. Even though the ring was uncovered in Austria the videos were originally posted on a Russian website. Child pornography and the sex trade of children are now a multi-million and multinational business enterprise. A lot of the children who are exploited are in Asia—countries such as Cambodia, India, Vietnam where children as young as 5 years are sold into the sex trade for as little as $10.
I read the story of Srey who at age 5 was sold by her parents (reported on CNN.com). Srey was rescued after one year of being passed from one man to another—many of these men sex tourists (men who come to Cambodia from Germany, England, the U.S., Venezuela, etc.) that come to do what they cannot do in their own countries. The children are usually drugged and or beaten to force them to respond docilely to these men’s deviant appetites. Unfortunely even when they are rescued these children will bear the psychological scars for years and many of them will also bear physical scars. In the case of Srey she has been diagnosed as HIV positive.
One of the comments that I read in regard to the police in this country investigating and arresting individuals who were viewing child pornography online stated that “the people looking at it aren’t hurting anyone” and further that they should not be punished by the government. I also recently heard a caller to one of our local Spanish-Language radio stations commenting that he was getting the “hots” for his 15-year-old sister in law who had just arrived from El Salvador—the radio show host was just laughing and egging on the caller basically encouraging him to do something about his desire to show his machismo. These are the types of attitude that permit child pornography and the crimes that flow from it to flourish.
Child pornography is never a victimless crime. The child that is filmed while being abused is a child that not only loses his or her innocence but also will forever feel that their soul has been violated. I know this because I am a survivor. While I was never filmed I carry the scars on my heart and in my soul. I was molested by a family “friend” from the age of 4 until I turned 9. Instead of dreaming of dolls, I would have nightmares of a man/a devil coming out from behind the shower curtain and attacking me.
It has taken me over 40 years to come to terms with what happened to me. Typical of a victim of child molestation (and pornography) I have suffered from years of depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety attacks and numerous broken relationships mainly because until last year I never confided my secret to anyone. Most survivors have severe problems with trust issues since most of the perpetrators are people that we were taught to trust, i.e. family members, family friends, priests, pastors, teachers, etc.
What can we do about the issue of child pornography and molestation? We can support groups such as Save the Children, UNICEF, and the National Alliance to End Sexual Violence. We can be vigilant with every child that we have contact with such as our own children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, godchildren, students, etc. Most children show signs of being molested: Changes in behavior, such as mood swings, withdrawal, fearfulness, excessive crying; Bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of going to bed, or other sleep disturbances, Changes in toilet-training habits; A fear of certain places, people or activities, etc. can indicate that the child is being molested or can be attributed to other explanations. If you observe any of these behaviors, talk to the child about the causes and get help if necessary.
Every child deserves to grow up in an environment of love and security and as a society we should not rest until every child in the world is guaranteed that right.
Copyright February 2007
Margarita M. Dilone
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Let’s Be the Change We Wish to See in the World
Okay it’s the first week of a New Year and what am I doing today—reviewing my goals for the year. It is my belief that the most important goal I have set for myself this year is this—to rise to the challenge of Mahatma Gandhi’s words “be the change you wish to see in the world”.
This year I finally decided that I had to put my actions where my words are. It is finally time to stop making excuses or hiding. It has been a long time coming. In the past three years I have been taking classes, workshops, gaining more experience in essence distilling wisdom. I have given myself permission to acknowledge that I have something to contribute.
One of my favorite stories is the one about the starfish. A storm had washed hundreds of starfish onto a beach. A young man was walking along the beach and picking up the starfish one at a time and throwing them back into the ocean. An old man came along and said that what he was doing wasn’t going to make a difference since there were hundreds of starfish and he couldn’t possibly pick them all up in time to save them. The young man had paused and listened and then turned around picked up a starfish and threw it into the ocean and replied, “I made a difference to that one”.
The old man in that story is the voice of apathy. That teeny voice that always seems to pop up to tell us that we can’t make a difference, what good will it do, you don’t have time, you can’t save the world, who do you think you are—Mother Theresa, excuses ad nausea. This year I have decided to stop listening to that old man, to heed the warning of philosopher Edmund Burke “It is necessary only for the good man to do nothing for evil to triumph”.
There is a beautiful Jewish saying that states that if you save one life you have saved the world in time—that is the voice of the young man—the voice that is speaking to me now. I can hear his voice loud and clear now. He has been trying to get my attention for sometime.
I can personally attest to the difference that one person can make in someone’s life. When my four children were little—twin girls that were barely one year old (one of whom suffered from several major illnesses including being blind and quadriplegic), my son four years old and my daughter who was nine years old--my husband and I separated and he chose not to provide child support. My business was failing and could barely pay my salary of less than $14,000 per year. Hope was very much in short supply in my house. That year I had told my kids that there would be no Christmas and the truth was I didn’t know where the money was going to come from to pay that month’s mortgage or heating bill. A few days before Christmas, someone rang our doorbell. When I went to the door all I saw was a woman scurrying away and I noticed that she had brown hair but on our doorstep she left a large box filled with food and toys for my kids. The next day I was notified by the Easter Seals day care center where they took care of my sick daughter that an anonymous board member had chosen our family to receive a $1,500 donation and a fresh turkey. I will never know who these people were but I can tell you they made a difference.
This year I can help make a difference for someone else. What are some of the things I can do—volunteer with a support group for victims of domestic violence, serve on a non-profit board that works on affordable housing, work on the campaign to Save Darfur, volunteer with the March of Dimes. Each of us has a passion or talent that we can use to volunteer and serve even if it is just as simple as serving a plate of food to someone in need, serving as a translator, donating our time or money to causes or organizations that sorely need us.
I know that we all have a long list of goals, losing weight, cutting back on our debts, getting organized, etc. and yes all of these are very important but in my heart I know that the goal that will give all of us the most satisfaction is to accept Gandhi’s challenge “Let’s Be the Change We Wish to See in the World”.
January 2007
This year I finally decided that I had to put my actions where my words are. It is finally time to stop making excuses or hiding. It has been a long time coming. In the past three years I have been taking classes, workshops, gaining more experience in essence distilling wisdom. I have given myself permission to acknowledge that I have something to contribute.
One of my favorite stories is the one about the starfish. A storm had washed hundreds of starfish onto a beach. A young man was walking along the beach and picking up the starfish one at a time and throwing them back into the ocean. An old man came along and said that what he was doing wasn’t going to make a difference since there were hundreds of starfish and he couldn’t possibly pick them all up in time to save them. The young man had paused and listened and then turned around picked up a starfish and threw it into the ocean and replied, “I made a difference to that one”.
The old man in that story is the voice of apathy. That teeny voice that always seems to pop up to tell us that we can’t make a difference, what good will it do, you don’t have time, you can’t save the world, who do you think you are—Mother Theresa, excuses ad nausea. This year I have decided to stop listening to that old man, to heed the warning of philosopher Edmund Burke “It is necessary only for the good man to do nothing for evil to triumph”.
There is a beautiful Jewish saying that states that if you save one life you have saved the world in time—that is the voice of the young man—the voice that is speaking to me now. I can hear his voice loud and clear now. He has been trying to get my attention for sometime.
I can personally attest to the difference that one person can make in someone’s life. When my four children were little—twin girls that were barely one year old (one of whom suffered from several major illnesses including being blind and quadriplegic), my son four years old and my daughter who was nine years old--my husband and I separated and he chose not to provide child support. My business was failing and could barely pay my salary of less than $14,000 per year. Hope was very much in short supply in my house. That year I had told my kids that there would be no Christmas and the truth was I didn’t know where the money was going to come from to pay that month’s mortgage or heating bill. A few days before Christmas, someone rang our doorbell. When I went to the door all I saw was a woman scurrying away and I noticed that she had brown hair but on our doorstep she left a large box filled with food and toys for my kids. The next day I was notified by the Easter Seals day care center where they took care of my sick daughter that an anonymous board member had chosen our family to receive a $1,500 donation and a fresh turkey. I will never know who these people were but I can tell you they made a difference.
This year I can help make a difference for someone else. What are some of the things I can do—volunteer with a support group for victims of domestic violence, serve on a non-profit board that works on affordable housing, work on the campaign to Save Darfur, volunteer with the March of Dimes. Each of us has a passion or talent that we can use to volunteer and serve even if it is just as simple as serving a plate of food to someone in need, serving as a translator, donating our time or money to causes or organizations that sorely need us.
I know that we all have a long list of goals, losing weight, cutting back on our debts, getting organized, etc. and yes all of these are very important but in my heart I know that the goal that will give all of us the most satisfaction is to accept Gandhi’s challenge “Let’s Be the Change We Wish to See in the World”.
January 2007
Courage of the Heart
Today as a middle-aged woman I recognize that I have made a conscious decision to have a change of heart to demonstrate courage for myself, my family, my friends, and the people I have an opportunity to interact with.
Even though the Holocaust Museum has been open for a few years and I always intended to go see it, I always made one excuse or another to delay visiting it. After all who relishes going to be confronted by things that are inconceivable to most of our hearts. A few days before I had the opportunity to go inside the Museum I visited an outside visual presentation entitled “Our Walls Bear Witness” documenting the genocide that is currently occurring in Darfur, Sudan. Then on Saturday, November 25, 2006, I offered to take a friend and his mother to visit the museum. We all went in at approximately 10:30 a.m. Daniel and his mom saw me briefly at the entrance to the main exhibit and then they lost me. I did not leave the museum’s main exhibit until about 5:15. I did not feel hunger or even the passage of time.
There were several parts of the exhibit that had me and many around me in tears. But to me the most gripping part was when a survivor described what her mother did—she somehow recognized that they were being divided that one group of the old, the sick and those with small children were being taken to be executed en masse while those that could work still had a chance at life. In a matter of seconds, this woman took her grandson Danny from her 23-year-old daughter’s arms and convinced her that she was doing this so that she would get assigned to inside work whereas her daughter would get outside work, which the grandmother could not do. The woman then told her other daughter to take care of her sister since she knew that her 23-year-old daughter would be devastated when she realized that she had lost her son and her mother. She truly chose the lesser of two evils.
As a grandmother of two, I wonder if I would have had the courage to make the same choice. I also wonder if I would have the courage to stand up to say no to the hatred, the discrimination, and the ignorance that gave birth to the holocaust. Would I be willing to open my eyes to the suffering of others or would I be like the monkeys that are shown in the statue that stands for I “hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil”.
There are many ways to fight against the waves of hatred that give birth to genocide—the greatest of these is consciously deciding that one person can make a difference. The biggest lesson that I learned in walking in the museum is that apathy goes part and parcel with genocide. Assuming that you can’t do anything, that your voice won’t be heard, that your vote doesn’t count are what allows hatred, ignorance and scapegoating to flourish. Believing that it can never happen again also allows genocide to take hold.
Many people believe that discrimination whether it is against African Americans, people of Jewish or Arabic faiths, Hispanics, Asians, Native Americans and many other minorities no longer exists, that we no longer need quotas, that redlining has disappeared, that we no longer need forced busing. It is my belief that this is not the case that even though we have instituted myriad programs to promote diversity it is our hearts that are still infected.
Mel Gibson, Michael Richards and soon to be former Senator George Allen have recently proven that discrimination is alive and well—it has simply gone underground. Consciously acknowledging its existence is the first step in truly excising this disease from our collective heart. Realizing that Mel Gibson’s, Michael Richards’s and George Allen’s beliefs are the result of what our society condones—first by raising these men to positions where they are idolized and can do no wrong and second by turning a blind eye, a deaf ear, and a mute tongue each time we are confronted with a racial or hateful comment, “joke” or action.
The genocide that is occurring in Darfur and that is beginning in Chad are the responsibility of each of us. We cannot afford to turn a blind eye to genocide anywhere—each of us needs to realize that we are truly connected that the fate of a grandmother, a child, and a father in Darfur is tied to our fate.
I wonder if it weren’t for the Holocaust would we already have discovered a cure for cancer, a form of sustainable energy, a real chance for peace in the Mideast and the World. Can we afford another genocide?
Martin Luther King said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that; only love can do that”. It is my hope and prayer that our grandchildren will never have to build another Holocaust Museum or add to the exhibits contained therein. We do not need “political correctness”—we need a change of heart. We need to open our hearts, our eyes, our ears, and our voices to words of understanding, of compassion, of empathy and to the most powerful of all of these emotions to love. In the end I realize that what we need begins with me.
December 2, 2006
Even though the Holocaust Museum has been open for a few years and I always intended to go see it, I always made one excuse or another to delay visiting it. After all who relishes going to be confronted by things that are inconceivable to most of our hearts. A few days before I had the opportunity to go inside the Museum I visited an outside visual presentation entitled “Our Walls Bear Witness” documenting the genocide that is currently occurring in Darfur, Sudan. Then on Saturday, November 25, 2006, I offered to take a friend and his mother to visit the museum. We all went in at approximately 10:30 a.m. Daniel and his mom saw me briefly at the entrance to the main exhibit and then they lost me. I did not leave the museum’s main exhibit until about 5:15. I did not feel hunger or even the passage of time.
There were several parts of the exhibit that had me and many around me in tears. But to me the most gripping part was when a survivor described what her mother did—she somehow recognized that they were being divided that one group of the old, the sick and those with small children were being taken to be executed en masse while those that could work still had a chance at life. In a matter of seconds, this woman took her grandson Danny from her 23-year-old daughter’s arms and convinced her that she was doing this so that she would get assigned to inside work whereas her daughter would get outside work, which the grandmother could not do. The woman then told her other daughter to take care of her sister since she knew that her 23-year-old daughter would be devastated when she realized that she had lost her son and her mother. She truly chose the lesser of two evils.
As a grandmother of two, I wonder if I would have had the courage to make the same choice. I also wonder if I would have the courage to stand up to say no to the hatred, the discrimination, and the ignorance that gave birth to the holocaust. Would I be willing to open my eyes to the suffering of others or would I be like the monkeys that are shown in the statue that stands for I “hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil”.
There are many ways to fight against the waves of hatred that give birth to genocide—the greatest of these is consciously deciding that one person can make a difference. The biggest lesson that I learned in walking in the museum is that apathy goes part and parcel with genocide. Assuming that you can’t do anything, that your voice won’t be heard, that your vote doesn’t count are what allows hatred, ignorance and scapegoating to flourish. Believing that it can never happen again also allows genocide to take hold.
Many people believe that discrimination whether it is against African Americans, people of Jewish or Arabic faiths, Hispanics, Asians, Native Americans and many other minorities no longer exists, that we no longer need quotas, that redlining has disappeared, that we no longer need forced busing. It is my belief that this is not the case that even though we have instituted myriad programs to promote diversity it is our hearts that are still infected.
Mel Gibson, Michael Richards and soon to be former Senator George Allen have recently proven that discrimination is alive and well—it has simply gone underground. Consciously acknowledging its existence is the first step in truly excising this disease from our collective heart. Realizing that Mel Gibson’s, Michael Richards’s and George Allen’s beliefs are the result of what our society condones—first by raising these men to positions where they are idolized and can do no wrong and second by turning a blind eye, a deaf ear, and a mute tongue each time we are confronted with a racial or hateful comment, “joke” or action.
The genocide that is occurring in Darfur and that is beginning in Chad are the responsibility of each of us. We cannot afford to turn a blind eye to genocide anywhere—each of us needs to realize that we are truly connected that the fate of a grandmother, a child, and a father in Darfur is tied to our fate.
I wonder if it weren’t for the Holocaust would we already have discovered a cure for cancer, a form of sustainable energy, a real chance for peace in the Mideast and the World. Can we afford another genocide?
Martin Luther King said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that; only love can do that”. It is my hope and prayer that our grandchildren will never have to build another Holocaust Museum or add to the exhibits contained therein. We do not need “political correctness”—we need a change of heart. We need to open our hearts, our eyes, our ears, and our voices to words of understanding, of compassion, of empathy and to the most powerful of all of these emotions to love. In the end I realize that what we need begins with me.
December 2, 2006
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